Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
