Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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