i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
