As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
