He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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