We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
