I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
