I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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