weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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