What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Randomize
