I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
