Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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