Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
