My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
