im drinking this country out of the recession.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
