How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
