Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think my tv is drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
