Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
