I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
