my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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