Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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