biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
