ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
