apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
