...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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