My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
