you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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