He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
