Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
