Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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