I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
