Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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