She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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