I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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