You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
