i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
