you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
