The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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