My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
