So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize