apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
