Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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