Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
