I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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