There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
