I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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