remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
