The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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