So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize