weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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