i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
