She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
