whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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