i don't plan on having that self control this summer
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
