I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
