If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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