I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize