Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
