i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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