He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
