Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
