I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
