don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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