Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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