I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
