I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just threw up on my dentist
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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