Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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