Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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