I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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