The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
