I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
