Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
