She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize