did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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