i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize