idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
