I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
