If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
