no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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