1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
