I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize