To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
