i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
