Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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