Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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