woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
