Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
