Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
