When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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