shes about as inviting as chlamydia
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
