your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
