I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize