That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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