The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You made out with two different species that night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
