I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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