Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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