I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
