I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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