im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
