Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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