Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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