Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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