You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
