Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
