So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
