yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
