Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
