the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
