once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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