i think my tv is drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize