just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
