Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
