All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize