He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
