so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
