he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
