he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
