I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
