nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
