Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
