i used baking grease as lip gloss
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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