I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
