I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
