You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wow bdsm is so cute
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