Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
