i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
