You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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