i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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