Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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